(Acceptance Without Approval)
Most people spend a great deal of time trying to get rid of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
We push them away.
We argue with them.
We distract ourselves from them.
We try to replace them with something more positive.
And this makes complete sense.
When a thought shows up that says “I’m not good enough” or a feeling of anxiety appears in the body, the natural instinct is to remove it as quickly as possible.
Yet many people notice something interesting.
The harder they try to push thoughts and feelings away…
the stronger those experiences seem to return.
Psychology sometimes calls this the struggle with internal experiences.
And often, that struggle becomes far more exhausting than the thoughts or feelings themselves.
The Problem With Fighting Our Inner World
Imagine holding a beach ball under water.
At first it might stay beneath the surface.
But the pressure builds.
Your arms get tired.
And the moment your grip loosens, the ball shoots straight back up again.
Trying to suppress thoughts and emotions can work in a similar way.
The mind naturally produces thoughts.
The body naturally produces feelings.
When we treat those experiences as something that must be removed before we can live our lives, the struggle itself often grows.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a different approach.
Rather than fighting our inner experiences, we learn how to make space for them.
Acceptance Is Often Misunderstood
The word acceptance can sound uncomfortable at first.
People sometimes hear it as:
- “Just put up with it”
- “Agree that the thought is true”
- “Approve of the feeling”
But acceptance in ACT means something very different.
Acceptance simply means allowing an experience to be present without trying to force it away.
It does not mean approval.
It does not mean resignation.
And it does not mean that the situation itself is acceptable.
It simply means making room for the experience so that it stops controlling our actions.
This creates more freedom in how we respond to life.
Making Space Instead of Pushing Away
When a difficult thought appears, many people automatically move into problem-solving mode.
They try to analyse it.
Fix it.
Argue with it.
Or replace it.
ACT invites a different skill.
Instead of trying to eliminate the thought, we practise making space for it.
Imagine placing the thought beside you for a moment rather than wrestling with it.
You might notice:
“Here is that thought again.”
Or
“My mind is producing the thought that…”
Often, this gentle shift changes the relationship we have with the thought.
The thought may still be present, yet it no longer dominates the entire experience.
Feelings Are Part of Being Human
Emotions often behave like waves.
They rise.
They move through the body.
And eventually they shift again.
When we resist those feelings, the body sometimes tightens around them.
Breathing becomes shallow.
Muscles tense.
The nervous system prepares for threat.
Making space works differently.
Instead of bracing against the feeling, we allow the body to soften around it.
A slow breath.
A little curiosity about the sensation.
A willingness to notice what is present.
Often the body begins to regulate itself naturally when space is created.
A Gentle Reflection
You may like to pause for a moment and reflect on this question:
What thoughts or feelings have you been spending energy trying to push away recently?
Notice what happens when you simply acknowledge their presence.
There is no need to solve them immediately.
Just noticing can sometimes create a surprising amount of room inside the mind.
Acceptance Creates Freedom
When we stop spending all our energy trying to control thoughts and feelings, something important happens.
We gain more freedom to focus on what truly matters.
Our actions become guided less by avoiding discomfort and more by moving toward the life we want to live.
This might mean:
- Speaking up even when nervousness is present
- Taking a step toward something meaningful despite self-doubt
- Staying connected with others while emotions move through
The goal is not a life without difficult thoughts or feelings.
The goal is a life where those experiences no longer run the show.
A Different Relationship With the Mind
Your mind is constantly producing thoughts.
Some are helpful.
Some are creative.
Some are critical.
Some are simply random mental noise.
Acceptance invites a new relationship with that activity.
Rather than fighting the mind, we learn how to observe it with a little more space and curiosity.
Over time, many people discover that thoughts and feelings become less overwhelming when they no longer have to be pushed away.
They simply become part of the ongoing experience of being human.
A Thought to Take With You
Difficult thoughts and emotions may still appear from time to time.
That is part of the human mind doing exactly what it evolved to do.
Yet when we learn to make space for those experiences rather than fighting them, we often discover something powerful:
We can still move toward the life we care about — even while those thoughts and feelings are present.
And sometimes, that small shift changes everything.
New Horizon Therapy Centre 
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